Identifying & Eliminating Toxic People from Your Circle

Every... not some, but every single time I was in the company of this particular person (honestly this has happened with more than one person) (but still only a minority few thankfully), there was an uneasiness. I could not quite put my finger on it, but as usual, I was polite, kind, and I squashed those feelings and made the best of it. Luckily I didn't have to be in their company for too many times, but it was unavoidable to do so for good. There were insults and digs made in a sly sort of way. Other times there were piercing stares. Those harmful vibes eventually began to seep out like oil from a busted hose. With no prompting or suggestion on my part, others began to be exposed to the same behavior (and more). I am not suggesting we go around being suspicious of others, however, I am saying that we should not constantly ignore what is happening in our spirit. Speaking of spirit, God's Holy Spirit prompts us and yes, warns up, but, (as in my case), we sometimes ignore the warnings. By the time I paid attention, so much damage had been done to myself as well as others.

Whether it is a friendship, romantic relationship or a family-ship(?), you should not have to tolerate a toxic ...ship of any type.  How did I learn to identify toxic people in my life? I paid attention! Paying attention to your heart, your feelings and your soul will assist you in identifying toxicity when it is around you. Here are at least three indicators that you may be dealing with a toxic person.

1. Confusion - toxic people somehow manage to bring confusion of some sort wherever they go. If you're always trying to figure things out (because they're usually horrible communicators), or, you are left wondering if something is true or not, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship. At the very least, try to get understanding by having a conversation. If you can't get anywhere and you're left even more confused, you may want to redefine the relationship.

2. Those who consistently violate your heart - I once had a person say to me, while I was still grieving for my husband, "your DEAD husband's no longer here! That was the precise moment I knew I would cut ties with that fool! No compassion, no tenderness, no empathy. Was my husband dead? Yes. It wasn't the fact that crushed my heart. It was the manner and tone it was said. It was at that precise instant that I began recalling other harmful and poisonous behaviors that I had ignored up until that point. People who truly love and care about you don't deliberately violate your heart period! And they certainly don't do it time and time again. 

3. People who constantly bring up your negative past. It is draining to be around those who have nothing better to talk about than your past, especially if they know it is a sore spot. The thing about a past is that everyone has one. Negative, hurtful events from your past should be left there, so what is the point of needing to be reminded of it by someone who is supposed to love you, except perhaps to make themselves feel better or look good around others? It is even more toxic if you've told that individual how it makes you feel and have asked them to not bring it up again. All you can do at that point is grit your teeth and give them the Jada look when they do. These people zap your good energy if you allow it. I personally prefer to eliminate the relationship entirely. 

We cannot change the people around us, but we can certainly change the people we choose to be around! Stop chasing what your flesh wants. Get what your soul needs, and it needs loving, peaceful, wholesome, caring, giving and healthy people around it. Don't just seek that, be that!